I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Randomize
