i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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