Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
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all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
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Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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