All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
