it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
