Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
