insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
