just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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