Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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