we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize