chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
