I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
