Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize