I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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