I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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