I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
