I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
