I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
