I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
