one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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