I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
