so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
My vagina is very pro this idea
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
