Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
