then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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