Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
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I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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