that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
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Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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