Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
ra ra ra ah ah
sexting lady gaga style
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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