@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
