No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
