I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
There's always time for handjobs
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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