I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
