Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
