i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
