Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
