All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
did i just pee glitter
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
