i barfeds in our rink
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
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I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.