My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
And the cops told us we were all naked.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT