I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
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i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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