I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
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I have no recollection of sleep choking you
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
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I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.