They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
