Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I think my moral compass just broke
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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