you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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