So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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