Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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