How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
