What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
