Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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