He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
