Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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