She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
