Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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