3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
