There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
