Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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