all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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