mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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