the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
