"it" just moved
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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