I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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