mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize