it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
