I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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