and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
