this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
