I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
We need to rekindle our bromance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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