yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
