I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize