so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
