she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I will pee on everything he values.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
