i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
