So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He called his prostate his "boner button".
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
