I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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