does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
high people should be assigned attendants
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
