She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
