EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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