Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
