I'm lost and stupid without you.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
