Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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