I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
So much Jack, so little girl.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
