I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
