The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
