it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
So. Much. Porn.
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