I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
