I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
