how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
